Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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