if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So squirting runs in the family.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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