He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
