What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
