Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Semen is not good for contacts.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
