The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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