if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
