I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
