Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
