I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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