Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
