Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
