Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
