How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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