At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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