i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
