I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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