Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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