i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
