My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
