About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
