Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
