how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
honey bunches of taint.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
