There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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