Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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