Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
