People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
