i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
