38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
