im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
