I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
