So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just want nice things and good sex
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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