No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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