how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
