Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
