Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
