i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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