you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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