i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
