3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm just crazy horny about you
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
