I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
