I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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