whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
