I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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