I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize