morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
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