Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
