She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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