She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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