And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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