Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
