You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
