So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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