I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
