I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
