i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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