Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
