This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
