Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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