dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize