shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
