The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
