I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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