I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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