I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
