I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dicks are not precious.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
