Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
