she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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