Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
