i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
