Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
