Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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