I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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