i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
