Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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