i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
