just tell him i said nine months
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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