I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
